Ode to the writer

Hello online denizens. Residents of the digital world. Occupants of the electronic haven that is the internet. It's been a while since I last blogged here. The advent of micro-blogging (Twitter) has made it such that a lot of us don't have the time, energy, or attention spans to follow through with a regularly updated ‘proper’ blog. I'll take this moment to give kudos to all those who have kept their blogs updated with regular content. It takes effort, commitment and dedication - Discipline. If one has the energy and mental focus to consistently deliver new content online, then they're probably able to deliver a lot more to the world. Through their sheer tenacity, I'm sure they will pull through even the most seemingly daunting tasks.

I didn't start this post with the intention of moving in any particular direction. I figured I'd just let my mental train run - off the tracks If need be - just because it hasn't run at all for a while. I blame Twitter to an extent. Why blog ‘properly’ when you can push out intermittent random thoughts that don’t have to follow in any particular order. There is no rhyme or reason to Tweeting. It makes it so easy. You can tweet something, RT something else, LMAO yet another thing, engage in some twitter slander, then return to what you were originally tweeting about. It’s genius. Textual cacophony has never been so wonderful. The existence of twitter and other micro-blogging sites has changed the way we communicate information to ourselves. And it has changed even further the way we process this information. Data now comes quicker and easier. But as quickly as it comes, it goes. We are inundated with messages of all genres - current affairs, politics, high fashion, and the occasional nude picture (thank you @postbadbitches). We hardly have time to reflect on a piece of information before another rolls around. With micro blogging, we have adapted to processing the information as fleetingly and ephemerally as it comes to us. We are now micro thinking. Think of it as online induced ADD. The web has made so much information available to us that our challenge now is not what data we can access (because we have almost everything at our fingertips). No, the problem now is how much of it can we get through.

Everyday I'm asked "have you watched this" or "have you seen that". Have you listened to this new song? Do you know the latest meme? Have you read the latest news report?  There's always something new. There are millions of people every day uploading new content to the internet - videos, photos, songs, articles, you name it. We've come to the point at which a lot of your colleagues might have said to you "I don't watch TV anymore".  I think I hear that one every other day, if not every day. The rate at which 'regular TV' is losing its audience, the broadcasting industry will have to look at better way of monetizing that market. I have a theory which proposes that in America, most shows are sustained by an audience which still attaches some value to being the first individuals to watch an episode of a show. A fan base. These fans will sit for the show to premiere on television because it won't appear online till it's been shown on telly. These fans are what adds to the show's viewership numbers, and what dictates the advertising revenue for the show, as well as its future time slot in the networks programming schedule. Shows with a successful season one will get more prime time slots in subsequent seasons. So in America, where these shows are produced, the system works. Shows are produced and people watch on tv. Viewership goes up, ad revenue comes in. All is well. Well except for the growing number of individuals who couldn't care less if they missed the show's TV slot, because they were just going to watch it online anyway. These are the guys that are reducing viewership numbers, and making that ad revenue go down. But do not fear corporate america. Companies like Netflix - and almost every other major broadcasting network - have moved to the online frontiers to tackle the shifting viewership masses. These companies make viewers pay a small fee to rent and watch programs online, so they can watch shows at their convenience. So while the show loses television viewers, it makes a bit of money back online, especially since copyright laws make it harder to find illegal viewing sites in America (a lot of them are blocked). Also, in America, law enforcement can easily track illegal downloaders and levy them a big fine for their downloading misdemeanors.

But what happens in countries like Nigeria, where copyright rules are not that strongly enforced. The web has very limited police patrolling, if any at all (although that's apparently about to change due to some Israeli company coming in. Thank you Jonathan), and people have possibly the strongest aversion to paying a kobo for any service received online? What then, happens to the television industry? A lot of us have dstv subscriptions, but how many of us actually watch the thing while our internet/hard drives work? I don't know about you, but unless I have guests over, that dstv decoder lies dormant. Maybe if I had one directly in my room, I'd use it more. I don't really mind if the TV industry develops viewership challenges in Nigeria though, seeing as our TV is outsourced from south africa anyway. DSTV's monopoly is strong. And that's a ton of money leaving our shores. Shame, really. Its funny now, because I remember when I was a kid, and there was all that south african programming on the tv. I just took it as TV. The real implications never hit me - that it was a south african company and we used its services because ours sucked/was nonexistent. Now I wonder why my house also received Super RTL (a german channel) for a few years. Probably another television contract someone chopped back in the day and made off with a clean bundle before the venture was liquidated. As I always say, whoever can solve the problem of declining tv viewership and nigerian television content is going to make a boatload of money.

But I digress. In a major way. I didn't intend to talk about the television industry at all, or give you all my limited insight into its workings in nigeria, and in the hovaseas. I guess I'll attribute that to my micro thinking, which hasn't been helped by my already existing ADDDDDD (super ADD - attention deficit disorder for those who don't know. Yes, I assume some of y'all don't know. Problem?)

But yes, my point of writing all this was just to give a tip of the hat to those who have unfailingly delivered relevant content to the online masses, and who continue to do so. I don't know how you do it. Sometimes I don't even know why I write -or used to write. It's not to be funny, to be an 'activist', or an opinion leader, or anything like that. My pieces were never anything spectacular. The diction was just above par, if that. The structure barely existent - I digress a lot. But that can be attributed to style. Once any writer makes it, any writing quirks/flaws they had become grand, fabled, celebrated 'styles.' I think half the stuff literature teachers interpret in Shakespeare is not what Shakespeare was thinking. Shakespeare says "there was a black chair", and suddenly to literature teachers everywhere, the chair becomes an allusion/reference to the black man, who is meant to be subservient and sat upon, like a chair. Hey, esteemed lecturers of literature, maybe shakespeare just meant it was a chair, huh? How about that? Ah, see? I digressed again. Maybe one day this will be a legendary writing style - the Utomi digression technique, where the writer digresses so far off tangent to test if the reader can follow his original train of thought  (which had run off the track several paragraphs ago). Speaking of styles, I wonder if hashtags will soon make it into regular literature? #okayIneedtostopdigressing

As I said, I just came here to salute the diligent writers, no matter what they write about, and what their reasons are for writing.  In a world that is moving so fast, with information blazing past us at the speed of light, I am truly inspired by people who can string several paragraphs together coherently, and concisely. And for those who do this regularly, I wish them more readership. For it is a shame that one would have taken such time to put so much together, and have no one pay attention to it.

But even if readership is low, the task of writing is reward in itself, because it keeps the brain focused, sharp. It means one has the mental fortitude to take on even greater tasks, and to be consistent in their delivery. And I believe that's what brought me back to this - to putting pen to paper (or finger to keyboard) - For the self discipline, and to reassure myself somewhat that I can still put together some literature that isn't a memo, a report, or a speech, which is what I do as a profession. I may not be consistent as a lot of you, but I will try to write more. Not because I have anything new or interesting to say, but maybe because I need to be sure of my ability to say what I need to say, when I eventually need to say it. To be sure that I can still write, even if not that well. Maybe I'll be able to do it better if I stay consistent. Maybe not. But I guess we'll see now, won’t we?

To all the writers out there, keep writing. The number of people that can piece together more than a single paragraph of coherent text at a time grows smaller by the day. We need all of you that we have, especially in a country that churns out so many near illiterates who are likely to be future leaders of the nation. At least, when these people reduce Nigeria to a pile of smouldering ashes, at the very least we'll have you folks to write all about it.

Resposes to Responses: Article on Women in Nigeria

After reading my previous blog entry, a few people had some things to say. A friend of mine (named Dez) was particularly vocal, saying that Nigeria had bigger fish to fry:

He said, and I quote:

"I think Nigerias problems are WAAAY bigger than any gender issue or role based confusion.
Not to take anything away from this but its like worrying about a flat tire when your engine transmission is toast. How easy is it for ANYONE to make ...it in Nigeria regardless of gender?

In terms of relationships I think you just need to find the person on the same page as you. If you are female and wanna spend day and night cooking and cleaning then you can find the kind of guy that wants a house wife. If you wanna spend day and night hustling then you can find the kind of guy that wants a hustler . If you are more in the middle (and so on). There is no "right" or "wrong" role for women or men. There are just arbitrary constructs people with opinions put forward."





Astute observations, yes - My response is as stated below:








Just to clarify, this isn't a forum for debating gender issues and their place in society. Each gender has their strengths and weaknesses, and we are here to complement each other. This is simply commentary based on my observations, as well as some of my opinions. If you don't agree, that's okay (but you can still go and hug transformer).

@ Dez - astute observations as always. one thing though - I did mention a general perspective. I quote - "discrimination in itself would always have existed in society. As long as there is division, there can be conflict and discrimination." once we are different in any way (sex, race, religion, sexual orientation, tribe) there is room for opposition and oppression. I was just putting things into context for the pertinent issue. Of course there are greater problems, but that doesnt mean the little ones dont exist. To put my 'discrimination' point into perspective, I'll cite a timeless joke by Emo phillips:




Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"




He said, "Nobody loves me."



I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"



He said, "Yes."



I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"



He said, "A Christian."



I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"



He said, "Protestant."



I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"



He said, "Baptist."



I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"



He said, "Northern Baptist."



I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"



He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."



I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."



I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"



He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."



I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.

So yeah, the society probably has bigger problems than the oppression of Northern conservative baptists of 1912 by Northern conservative baptists of 1879, but the fact is that that man still got pushed over the bridge because of it. lol. that joke is hilarious btw.

Just to top things off - my introductory sentence stated that I was prone to coincidences-. The day after I wrote this piece, a lady friend of mine in the gym was being hit on by an older (much older) man, and later came to me (unprompted) bewailing the general attitude of men towards women in the country - objectifying them and making it seem like they are unable to do things without a man's help. I then referred her to my writeup. Shameless plug, I know, but I hereby declare myself quasi psychic. lol

Enjoy your day folks




- Pat II

Women in Nigeria - commentary on Chimamanda Adichie's Financial Times article

I tend to be prone to coincidences; whenever I ponder a topic, something usually happens the next day that teaches me more about said topic. When I learn about something for the first time, the next week I see that same thing all over the place. Maybe I’m quasi-psychic, or maybe it’s just my ignorance preventing me from seeing what I should be seeing until I learn about it. Either which way, I digress. This week’s “coincidence” was a discussion I had with my sister about discrimination against women in Nigeria, and the chauvinistic nature of our society. This discussion was impeccably juxtaposed with our discovery the following day - a Financial Times excerpt written by Chimamanda Adichie, on, you guessed it, being a woman in urban Nigeria.

The day we discovered the article (before we had read it) my sister and I saw a woman in an E/S-class Mercedes Benz and I went “Oya, who bought it for you?" (Tongue in cheek, of course). By sheer coincidence (or was it?) Adichie uses this very example in her article, decrying how women are seen as unable to earn a luxurious living on their own.

While the current state of affairs is unfortunate, the fact remains that there is no smoke without fire. Nigeria has been a patriarchal society for a long time, and the man has often done the bread winning. Several men who have attained vast wealth (notwithstanding how they came across it) often spend it on their spouses, or their girlfriends. Because of this, a high rolling chick is more often than not assumed to have another "source of income" - More so, if the girl is young - it raises eyebrows.

But here I must interject. Young women are not alone in this plight. Young, rich males raise eyebrows as well. While it may not always be openly mentioned (though sometimes it is), there exists a "chopping his father's money" stigma – a label attached to young men whose parents are of substantial means. The son is assumed to live off his father’s wealth, and is implicitly accused of not earning a dime in his entire life. This, to an extent, can be true. The structure of Nigeria makes it harder for young men to gain complete independence early. High costs of living alongside relatively low employment salaries mean that young men are dependent for a longer period of time than in other countries. While some delinquent sons exist, there are several young men working, and working hard, regardless of their parents’ wealth. But still, they are given the label of “carefree rich boy.”

On the flip side (yet again), albeit several young men are attributed this label, society accepts it as a norm, and turns a blind eye. The son is the heir after all, and all that money is his to claim in the long run, right? “So we might as well just treat him right”, society says. He gets the salutes, the “oga we dey hail oh!” and “we dey your side”. The daughter, on the other hand, is distanced, and does not merit the same respect the freeloader son does. She is just another girl who will soon marry a man and become his property. If she’s lucky, that man will be rich and only then will she become a “Madam!” (Note the exclamation mark.) She will still, however, be branded as a man’s acquisition. She will be a reflection of his wealth and authority - nothing more. (The mere fact that the phrase goes “chopping his father’s money “ is prejudiced in itself. Why is it not “his parents’ money”? )
Anyway, here are some points of call for me: Discrimination against women is global, and only recently did it wane in America. Perspectives are still heavily skewed worldwide in favour of men, but times are changing; countries across the globe are becoming more enlightened, and I believe Nigeria will soon follow suit. We tend to copy a lot of things, so here’s hoping we can emulate some beneficial culture as well.

In my opinion, discrimination in itself would always have existed in society. As long as there is division, there can be conflict and discrimination. If women were the higher power, mark my words there would be men writing these anti-oppression articles instead. Complaints of abuse would clutter newspaper editorials with stories of how “that woman stares at my butt at work”, or how female police officers waylay unfortunate men on the highway, inquiring as to whether they had “anything for the girls”. The internet would be awash with male forums and blogs telling of their gender’s enduring suffering, and men’s rights propaganda would litter the streets - assuming that women would let men speak out. For all we know, had they held the reins of power from the get-go, women would still be discriminating against men today, possibly with a stronger hush policy. We all know how adamant women can be, after all. Maybe it’s for the best things turned out the way they did.

All jokes aside, men lucked out genetically. Patriarchy began in ancient times, mostly because of the foundation of humanity, which was hunting and gathering. Men were more physically suited to these tasks, and ended up as the workers/breadwinners, while females took care of children and the households. With such a deep rooted foundation which spanned several millennia, it's not surprising that it has taken the world an equally long time to change its outlook. This prehistoric social structure is the very reason why some male supremacists, (if I may deem them such), argue that feminists are trying to defy natural law – something that has been encoded into our genes from the dawn of time. They believe that women are meant to be subservient and let men do the work.

While this perspective is highly skewed, I firmly believe in the latter part of the statement; that men should do the work. Let me qualify that; women should be cared for, while men work for them, especially (if not exclusively) in the case of marriage. I personally believe that men should work for their spouses. They must till the earth, sweat, and spoil their women with the rewards of their labour. Women are supposed to be cared for because they endure a pain men can never even fathom; childbirth. Women carry the living extension of a man’s being for nine months. Sure, the woman provided half the chromosomes, but she’s the one doing the heavy lifting for almost an entire year. And in Nigerian society, it is likely that the man will want her to do this four or five times. That’s four to five years of carrying a living being within her body. And it does not end there. Each child comes with it at least eighteen years of worry, high blood pressure and stress (it can be a lot more than eighteen years). From the cradle to high school to university, it is the mother that dotes over her child. When the child is sick, the mother is equally sick with anxiety. When the child leaves for school, she frets that her baby will come back with bumps and bruises. When the child matures and leaves for university, she frets that her child is leaving her and going into a world full of influences over which she has little or no control. The mother’s exertions scarcely go unnoticed, but often go unappreciated. The man may claim to worry about his child (and don’t get me wrong, he probably worries), but there is no way he can emulate a mother’s emotions - the feelings projected towards a being birthed from her very own body. Because of this, the married man must do her right. He must work his heart and soul out; ensuring that, save for the concern felt for her offspring, the wife/mother will have no other stress added upon her head. And if such stress inevitably arrives, he must give his all to lighten the load.

However, just because men should work for their women does not mean that females should be restrained in their efforts to make it on their own. Chimamanda’s gripe is especially with the attitude of society towards younger women who have no spouses, and hence no reason not to make the most of their careers and their lives. Young ladies are seen only as potential wives, not as women with potential. Even when they succeed in professional circles, they are ostracized. Strong women are categorized as bitchy, and successful ones in the corporate world are often characterized as being aggressive and manly.

If women don’t succeed, it’s because they are too subservient. If they succeed, they are either bitches (excuse my French), or have done” something” to get where they are. Women can’t seem to win either way in businesses - unless, of course, they start their own. In a patriarchy like Nigeria, such a thing will be an uphill task, and is almost impossible with strong backing from powerful males and females. I believe it is possible though, and I am hoping for more public support (financial and moral) in order to facilitate the ventures of young business women, who can then branch out from fashion, acting and modelling into any industry they wish. Believe you me, I am doing my part.


Till next time, I remain ever hopeful,

-Pat II

Link to Financial times excerpt: http://www.cp-africa.com/2010/12/12/chimamanda-writes-woman-urban-nigeria-financial-times/

Feeling Safe

As I stepped outside of my house at midnight last Friday, I decided, for some unknown reason, to take in some atmosphere. Just stand in the middle of the driveway, look up to the sky, breathe, and take it all in. As “middle class” Nigerians, a lot of us don’t really set time aside to take in our surroundings. We wake up and move from house to car, to office, to car, to gym (maybe), to car, back to house, to car, to a bar/club (on the weekends), then back to house. We love our enclosed, air conditioned spaces. Yes we do. But as I stood under the midnight sky, with a full moon looming overhead, I began to understand why. For even within the enclosures of my own compound, in what is arguably one of the most secure neighbourhoods in Lagos, I realized that I didn’t feel safe.

I looked around me - The generator remained as always, humming in the corner, giving light to our home as NEPA had not seen it fit to provide electricity for days on end. The illuminated house was beautiful; its magnificence amplified in the moonlight. But beyond the four walls of the compound; literally less than ten meters from where I stood, darkness spread out as far as the eye could see (or not see, as the case was). And Even with the generator engine revving, I could feel the silence; the quietness beyond our physical plane. A silence that signified that at night, Lagos belonged to creatures of darkness; to beings, tangible, and perhaps some intangible, that we would hope never to encounter.
Lagos is not a city where you walk around at midnight; a lot of us hardly walk during the day as it is. But on that Friday night it hit me a little harder; “This is the way we are going to live” - From the safety of our houses to the enclosing barriers of our cubicles in our offices (maybe a corner office if we work hard and get lucky), and then back again - Lather, rinse repeat – for the rest of our lives.

I always seem to draw comparisons to other countries, but can you blame me? Without comparison it is impossible to put things into perspective. In the UK or in the States, I had no fears walking down the streets at night to grab something at the nearest convenience store. Was it the police stationed by the street corner that gave me comfort, or was it the street lights that illuminated the path I walked? Was it the frequency at which I saw people doing the same thing I was; walking with their beloveds, or maybe even going for a midnight jog? Was it the fact that the nearest convenience store was never less than a ten minute walk away from my residence, or the fact that the store felt it was safe enough, and profitable enough, to be open that late? Maybe it was a combination of all those things that put my mind at ease. Or maybe it was just the fact that I was in a country of generally elevated repute compared to my country of origin. In many a street in the New York, outside the main city, crimes rates are high. Even within the main city there are train routes you’d best avoid after midnight. In Hackney, London, there is an alley called murder mile, aptly named for the fact that at least one corpse was extracted from the cryptic pathway every week. In fact, if you went for a midnight stroll in Lagos, chances are no one would touch you; the fact that you ventured out –on foot- at that ungodly hour would probably make most passersby more scared of you than you were of them. Just don’t sport anything too fancy. Wearing designer clothes and a fancy watch is just asking for it.

Now don’t take me up on that. I don’t want to be the cause of one of my friends’ untimely transformation into a tuber of yam. The streets of Lagos may not be that user friendly yet. But even if they ever got that way, would we be motivated to leave the warm, snug, refuge of our abodes? No NEPA means that the street lights will probably not work. A lack of midnight buses or regular taxis means that you can’t really get too far. If you have cravings for late night Mac and cheese, the nearest convenience store is probably a couple of miles away, and NOT open. So what is there to motivate us to leave our homes, even with the safest streets? Pretty much nothing. Now I’m not here to criticize. I’m not going to go on a lengthy spiel about how the stimulation of our night economy could increase employment, reduce crime and make the place generally more habitable. These things you already know. I’m just Captain Obvious, here to save the day – and by “save the day”, I mean just air my thoughts on how miserable I think things are while not doing a thing to sort it all out.

Maybe if I’m lucky some entrepreneur will see this and open a chain of 24/7 Convenience stores/pubs (not nightclubs) around town to get things going. Granted, they’ll probably have to have armed doormen, but hey, it’s a start.

Till then, I remain,
Captain Obvious/Pat II

Leadership; Home and Away

Congratulations to David Cameron, the new Prime Minister of England. The transfer of office was made official after Gordon Brown submitted his resignation to the queen, formally stepping down from his appointment as the Prime minister and as the head of the Labour Party, ending his party's 12+ years in power. Truly a big day in Politics.
Watching the events unfold, I inadvertently began to draw comparisons between how things were unfolding there and how they would potentially unfold here in Nigeria.

First of all, the leader of the country would never resign here. Full stop. Save for falling out of favour with their party's god-fathers, our "appointed" state heads would never budge from their posts, no matter what public pressure they came under. After his unfortunate run in with a certain "bigoted” old woman, Gordon Brown got so much stick for his slip of tongue you'd think he'd just insulted an entire race. Following his gaffe, the man stoically accepted all responsibility for his actions and implied his readiness to resign if he let his party down. In Nigeria, I don’t think I've ever even seen an instance in which the leaders went from doorstep to doorstep, pleading their case with the masses. Those in line for their share of the national cake know when their time will come, so why would they bother with such inconsequential dillydallying? to them, the people are not even worth socializing with on a personal basis, save for the occasional public address, which they probably can’t wait to get out of the way so they can continue doing more important things, like browsing the catalogues for their next private jet. To them, the people's vote has already been cast, the election results foretold; and to the people, this is a far greater insult than being slapped in the faces (or being called a bigot). And when "elected", our leaders become infallible. None of them would even think of stepping down as penance for any of their misdeeds. Matter of factly, these men would much rather die in office than step down for any reason. *Cough*Pericarditis*Cough

One other thing I couldn't help but notice was the subtlety of the power transfer. Brown quietly resigned, and Cameron quietly took power. A nigh stealthy jaunt to Buckingham palace sealed the deal for both parties. Save for the fact that news cameras impeccably covered the journeys of both these gentlemen , one would have been unable to tell that it was national leaders traversing the roads in small convoys.

As a Nigerian, you can’t blame me for taking note of the convoys these two men travelled in. I mean, when the Guardian, a well respected Newspaper, spends half of an article discussing the cars our national leaders arrived in, and only a paragraph on the actual interaction between said leaders, well, I rest my case. But I digress.

The convoy for both parties was limited to a mere three or four cars. And none was a Mercedes Benz. The politicians opted for subtle mid range Jaguars, albeit armoured ones; Traditionally British cars. Makes sense; Obama rides in an American made car. Hu Jintao of China rides a car made in northeast china. The emperor of Japan rides a Toyota It’s a matter of national pride, and displaying confidence in your country. But I won’t judge on this paltry detail. In fact, If our politicians drove in Nigerian made cars, with the state of our manufacturing industry, I’d fear for their safety. Those third mainland bridge breakdowns can be a bitch.

Traffic was not stopped for either party on their way to and from the palace. No sirens blaring, no conspicuous security detail in sight. In nigeria, you could hear the damn convoy approach miles before you actually saw them. Overly conspicuous Security staff would be clearing the streets miles in advance to boot. Heck, anyone who intended to ambush them would have ample time to take out their armed detail while they littered the streets raining abuses on the average civilian, all in the name of clearing the path for their approaching fearless leader.

Let me be fair though. Traffic was not stopped because neither party was Prime minister at the time. Brown had stepped down and Cameron was yet to be officially recognized. Once Cameron is officially PM, His new car will be a lot prettier, traffic will be stopped for him, and the size of his convoy will inevitably increase, though I doubt it'll top the 30+ motorcade the Nigerian President uses (now that's rolling deep!). Furthermore, Traffic here is a tad heavier than over there, so i guess the streets need to be cleared to facilitate travel. Then again, whose fault is that? If those "leaders" actually did their jobs, our infrastructure would be on track, and the daily commute would not be half the nightmare it currently is. And what's with almost every government official (and some ex officials) having irrationally long convoys? If they really wanted to help, they could reduce their convoys by a couple dozen cars. Then they'd have an easier time getting their asses to their destinations.

But let's not forget the kicker; if it were Nigeria, Cameron would be getting a ton of congratulatory messages in the following day’s papers from parties "wishing him well", aka wishing for him to do them well with some political favours. Of course, just taking up an entire page or two in a paper won't do the trick; but don't worry, most of those fogies would have already sent a couple of rams/goats to Cameron's residence to sweeten the deal.

Now I'm not playing the part of the "holier than though nigerian", berating the state of affairs, and going on a rant about how our culture demeans human life by placing more value on what we have than what we are. I'm not going to rave about how materialism has eaten so deep into our culture, and how extravagance and excess seem to define how much a man has achieved in his life, and how, if things don't change, our society will continue on its downward spiral, as our morality erodes to vanishing point. Oh no; none of that for me. That has all been said before, and repeating it won't really do me any good. I'm just enjoying the show. Besides, I have my own problems, like where I'm finding my first million. Maybe I should invest in a few cows and forward them to the governor's office. it'll definitely be worthwhile once I land a solid contract, don't you think?

N.B: Pictured is the New model Jaguar Cameron should be using now. His is black, and costs about £200,00. Me likey!