Feeling Safe

As I stepped outside of my house at midnight last Friday, I decided, for some unknown reason, to take in some atmosphere. Just stand in the middle of the driveway, look up to the sky, breathe, and take it all in. As “middle class” Nigerians, a lot of us don’t really set time aside to take in our surroundings. We wake up and move from house to car, to office, to car, to gym (maybe), to car, back to house, to car, to a bar/club (on the weekends), then back to house. We love our enclosed, air conditioned spaces. Yes we do. But as I stood under the midnight sky, with a full moon looming overhead, I began to understand why. For even within the enclosures of my own compound, in what is arguably one of the most secure neighbourhoods in Lagos, I realized that I didn’t feel safe.

I looked around me - The generator remained as always, humming in the corner, giving light to our home as NEPA had not seen it fit to provide electricity for days on end. The illuminated house was beautiful; its magnificence amplified in the moonlight. But beyond the four walls of the compound; literally less than ten meters from where I stood, darkness spread out as far as the eye could see (or not see, as the case was). And Even with the generator engine revving, I could feel the silence; the quietness beyond our physical plane. A silence that signified that at night, Lagos belonged to creatures of darkness; to beings, tangible, and perhaps some intangible, that we would hope never to encounter.
Lagos is not a city where you walk around at midnight; a lot of us hardly walk during the day as it is. But on that Friday night it hit me a little harder; “This is the way we are going to live” - From the safety of our houses to the enclosing barriers of our cubicles in our offices (maybe a corner office if we work hard and get lucky), and then back again - Lather, rinse repeat – for the rest of our lives.

I always seem to draw comparisons to other countries, but can you blame me? Without comparison it is impossible to put things into perspective. In the UK or in the States, I had no fears walking down the streets at night to grab something at the nearest convenience store. Was it the police stationed by the street corner that gave me comfort, or was it the street lights that illuminated the path I walked? Was it the frequency at which I saw people doing the same thing I was; walking with their beloveds, or maybe even going for a midnight jog? Was it the fact that the nearest convenience store was never less than a ten minute walk away from my residence, or the fact that the store felt it was safe enough, and profitable enough, to be open that late? Maybe it was a combination of all those things that put my mind at ease. Or maybe it was just the fact that I was in a country of generally elevated repute compared to my country of origin. In many a street in the New York, outside the main city, crimes rates are high. Even within the main city there are train routes you’d best avoid after midnight. In Hackney, London, there is an alley called murder mile, aptly named for the fact that at least one corpse was extracted from the cryptic pathway every week. In fact, if you went for a midnight stroll in Lagos, chances are no one would touch you; the fact that you ventured out –on foot- at that ungodly hour would probably make most passersby more scared of you than you were of them. Just don’t sport anything too fancy. Wearing designer clothes and a fancy watch is just asking for it.

Now don’t take me up on that. I don’t want to be the cause of one of my friends’ untimely transformation into a tuber of yam. The streets of Lagos may not be that user friendly yet. But even if they ever got that way, would we be motivated to leave the warm, snug, refuge of our abodes? No NEPA means that the street lights will probably not work. A lack of midnight buses or regular taxis means that you can’t really get too far. If you have cravings for late night Mac and cheese, the nearest convenience store is probably a couple of miles away, and NOT open. So what is there to motivate us to leave our homes, even with the safest streets? Pretty much nothing. Now I’m not here to criticize. I’m not going to go on a lengthy spiel about how the stimulation of our night economy could increase employment, reduce crime and make the place generally more habitable. These things you already know. I’m just Captain Obvious, here to save the day – and by “save the day”, I mean just air my thoughts on how miserable I think things are while not doing a thing to sort it all out.

Maybe if I’m lucky some entrepreneur will see this and open a chain of 24/7 Convenience stores/pubs (not nightclubs) around town to get things going. Granted, they’ll probably have to have armed doormen, but hey, it’s a start.

Till then, I remain,
Captain Obvious/Pat II

Leadership; Home and Away

Congratulations to David Cameron, the new Prime Minister of England. The transfer of office was made official after Gordon Brown submitted his resignation to the queen, formally stepping down from his appointment as the Prime minister and as the head of the Labour Party, ending his party's 12+ years in power. Truly a big day in Politics.
Watching the events unfold, I inadvertently began to draw comparisons between how things were unfolding there and how they would potentially unfold here in Nigeria.

First of all, the leader of the country would never resign here. Full stop. Save for falling out of favour with their party's god-fathers, our "appointed" state heads would never budge from their posts, no matter what public pressure they came under. After his unfortunate run in with a certain "bigoted” old woman, Gordon Brown got so much stick for his slip of tongue you'd think he'd just insulted an entire race. Following his gaffe, the man stoically accepted all responsibility for his actions and implied his readiness to resign if he let his party down. In Nigeria, I don’t think I've ever even seen an instance in which the leaders went from doorstep to doorstep, pleading their case with the masses. Those in line for their share of the national cake know when their time will come, so why would they bother with such inconsequential dillydallying? to them, the people are not even worth socializing with on a personal basis, save for the occasional public address, which they probably can’t wait to get out of the way so they can continue doing more important things, like browsing the catalogues for their next private jet. To them, the people's vote has already been cast, the election results foretold; and to the people, this is a far greater insult than being slapped in the faces (or being called a bigot). And when "elected", our leaders become infallible. None of them would even think of stepping down as penance for any of their misdeeds. Matter of factly, these men would much rather die in office than step down for any reason. *Cough*Pericarditis*Cough

One other thing I couldn't help but notice was the subtlety of the power transfer. Brown quietly resigned, and Cameron quietly took power. A nigh stealthy jaunt to Buckingham palace sealed the deal for both parties. Save for the fact that news cameras impeccably covered the journeys of both these gentlemen , one would have been unable to tell that it was national leaders traversing the roads in small convoys.

As a Nigerian, you can’t blame me for taking note of the convoys these two men travelled in. I mean, when the Guardian, a well respected Newspaper, spends half of an article discussing the cars our national leaders arrived in, and only a paragraph on the actual interaction between said leaders, well, I rest my case. But I digress.

The convoy for both parties was limited to a mere three or four cars. And none was a Mercedes Benz. The politicians opted for subtle mid range Jaguars, albeit armoured ones; Traditionally British cars. Makes sense; Obama rides in an American made car. Hu Jintao of China rides a car made in northeast china. The emperor of Japan rides a Toyota It’s a matter of national pride, and displaying confidence in your country. But I won’t judge on this paltry detail. In fact, If our politicians drove in Nigerian made cars, with the state of our manufacturing industry, I’d fear for their safety. Those third mainland bridge breakdowns can be a bitch.

Traffic was not stopped for either party on their way to and from the palace. No sirens blaring, no conspicuous security detail in sight. In nigeria, you could hear the damn convoy approach miles before you actually saw them. Overly conspicuous Security staff would be clearing the streets miles in advance to boot. Heck, anyone who intended to ambush them would have ample time to take out their armed detail while they littered the streets raining abuses on the average civilian, all in the name of clearing the path for their approaching fearless leader.

Let me be fair though. Traffic was not stopped because neither party was Prime minister at the time. Brown had stepped down and Cameron was yet to be officially recognized. Once Cameron is officially PM, His new car will be a lot prettier, traffic will be stopped for him, and the size of his convoy will inevitably increase, though I doubt it'll top the 30+ motorcade the Nigerian President uses (now that's rolling deep!). Furthermore, Traffic here is a tad heavier than over there, so i guess the streets need to be cleared to facilitate travel. Then again, whose fault is that? If those "leaders" actually did their jobs, our infrastructure would be on track, and the daily commute would not be half the nightmare it currently is. And what's with almost every government official (and some ex officials) having irrationally long convoys? If they really wanted to help, they could reduce their convoys by a couple dozen cars. Then they'd have an easier time getting their asses to their destinations.

But let's not forget the kicker; if it were Nigeria, Cameron would be getting a ton of congratulatory messages in the following day’s papers from parties "wishing him well", aka wishing for him to do them well with some political favours. Of course, just taking up an entire page or two in a paper won't do the trick; but don't worry, most of those fogies would have already sent a couple of rams/goats to Cameron's residence to sweeten the deal.

Now I'm not playing the part of the "holier than though nigerian", berating the state of affairs, and going on a rant about how our culture demeans human life by placing more value on what we have than what we are. I'm not going to rave about how materialism has eaten so deep into our culture, and how extravagance and excess seem to define how much a man has achieved in his life, and how, if things don't change, our society will continue on its downward spiral, as our morality erodes to vanishing point. Oh no; none of that for me. That has all been said before, and repeating it won't really do me any good. I'm just enjoying the show. Besides, I have my own problems, like where I'm finding my first million. Maybe I should invest in a few cows and forward them to the governor's office. it'll definitely be worthwhile once I land a solid contract, don't you think?

N.B: Pictured is the New model Jaguar Cameron should be using now. His is black, and costs about £200,00. Me likey!

Praying for Clear skies, as Galactus Approaches

Quite the ambiguous phrase, isn’t it? Let me enlighten you; Ive decided on a temporary name for the novel-esque piece of literature I’m attempting to construct; Clear skies. It just sounds so…fitting. Like everything in the world, however, The title is subject to change, so we’ll see how that works out. I also happen to write at the blazing pace of a snail on sedatives, so don’t expect anything anytime soon. Maybe I’ll post teaser excerpts to keep me motivated. Watch this space (then again, don’t)
As for Galactus, c’est moi. Yes, I am galactus. Need I explain? Well, I’m planning a return trip to the States (branching in the UK), and I intend to have an earth shattering good time in both countries, a la Galactus. So yes, I am Galactus; the doom-bringer, the destroyer of planets. I know it’s a lame, nerdy allusion, but I like it. Besides, Galactus is Awesome. And HUGE! So I’ll be visa applying, interviewing, and ticket scheduling, and hopefully, everything will work out. The orientation week of grad school messed around with my travel schedule a bit, but it’s cool. I’ll survive. And nothing would be more apt to finish this entry than a 1960’s comic book caption-esque rhyming one-liner: Citizens of the world, cower in fear, The Advent of Galactus is near! Muahahaha! (still working on my evil laugh).