When you become an adult in Naija:
You’re now eligible for police “checkpoints”: When you were a kid, they’d wave the driver by (after all, you didn’t have anything for them: your weekly allowance wasn’t going to be enough). Now, however, you get stopped at every possible checkpoint, with a “Good evening Oga/madam, wetin u get for your boys?” (“your boys”… like you know dem sef… *hiss*)
You can “authorize” the activation of the generator when NEPA strikes
The household staff now goes “well done” (“weh Don!”) when you get back home.
The kids of family friends now call u “uncle” or “aunty”… makes you feel so old. And in contrast, “Uncle John” is now “Mr. John” to you.
You gotta look at the meter to make sure they aren’t swindling you at the petrol station (make sure it starts at zero before they pump your fuel). The same applies to diesel, kerosene, garri, groundnut, clothing material and all measurable substances.
It may cross your mind to buy a plot of land somewhere once u have enough money (god knows it’s better to buy cheap now and take your time building).
You can take the family car out when you want to (but you dare not touch Popsies/Momsies BMW/Mercedes without asking)
You can “maneuver” the more challenging
You’ve given up on Calling NEPA when there has been no light for a month (in actuality, you should have given up several years ago). You won’t even get through, seeing as all the landlines have been down for ages.
You know better than to buy “Pure water” (also something you should have known a while ago… hopefully you didn’t learn from experience)
You know to have your Cash, watch and GSM ready to hand over once some guy taps on your windshield with a gun.
In order to prevent the above from happening, you know better than to bring out your GSM whilst traversing certain roads.
Before you buy something you want in the market you bargain for at least 15 minutes, with an “Abeg give me last Price (“Laz Prize”)” every two minutes, Only experienced women/Drivers usually get the actual “last price” when they engage in real market scenarios so guys shouldn’t feel so bad if they get ripped off the first few times (for optimum results go shopping with experienced individuals so on your next trip you can say “Which one be One thousand (“Wan Touzan”) you dey talk? No be dis one I buy for Five hundred last week?) . I believe a whole book could be written on Naija shopping tactics (best places to shop, the last price for various items, etc)
Remember those jokes your dad used to crack with his friends? You can laugh at some of them now cant you? (I say “some”, because I bet a lot of em are still gonna fly over your head) You knew it was gonna be bad when they started the conversation with their various nicknames. I believe they once sounded like this:
Dad: AAAH OMODILOGBOOOOooN!!
Dad’s Friend: IKENGA THE IKENGA
Dad: It seems you are living large!!
DF: hahaha, no now! In fact, My generator is eating more than me these days! As they say…
Both: HAHHAAHHAAHAHHAAHA
Good luck with life.
