Whot a night

Its almost the end of senior study hall. Paulinus and most of the other staff are managing the dorms, where the juniors are already asleep… or should be. The seniors have free reign, and they’ve been using it for quite a while. The other senior classes are making as much noise as they can, but it is a silent night in SS3D.

The atmosphere in the room is tense. Two individuals stare each other down in a high stakes match the likes of which have never been seen. Many have already fallen in their attempt to make it this far, and their antes shall become the spoils the victor shall claim. As of now, two remain, but there can be only one. Uche Ekeledon and Kene Nweze face each other as Gladiators in a death match. Neither intends to have any mercy. Each intends to strip his opponent bare, leaving him with nothing. It is a winner takes all final game of Whot.

The cards have been dealt, each finalist getting eight starting cards to make sure the game lasts longer. The starting card is displayed; a four of Cross. Uche having won an earlier coin toss, will begin the match. he plays a Three of Cross. Kene throws down a three of Circle. Uche goes to the market. Kene also goes to the market. Uche plays a six of triangle. And then, the action starts:
“pick three!” Kene slams a five of triangle on the desk. Uche picks the three. Kene then follows with playing a nine of triangle. Its Uche’s turn to go on the offence. He trows down a two of triangle.

“pick two, my friend!”
“Abeg pick four”. Kene retaliates with another two, this one of square

Kene hesistates, and begins to reach for the market. Uche uses this split second to add two additional twos to the stack.
“in fact, pick eight!”

The crowd goes silent. This may be a crushing blow for Kene. However, he has a knowing smirk on his face.
“Dis guy you tink ya smart. I block am!” Kene throws down the seven of stars and stops Uche’s assault in its tracks.
Uche is visibly disappointed: He could have been in a good position if he had gotten Kene to pick. Kene, on the other hand, knows he’s in a good position. He knows uche doesn’t have more than one picking card. That’s because Kene has two fives and a seven alongside a six of stars. As long as he can get rid of the six of Stars, nothing can stop him from blasting uche and winning the game. If, perchance, Uche has another five, all he can do is send back the assault, leaving Kene to check-up by blocking with the seven. If Uche blocks with a seven, he’ll still check up with the seven. It all depends on uche’s next card, and as ii an answer to kene’s prayers, uche throws down a four of stars, not changing the suit. Kene immediately plays his six. The stage is set. Now all he needs to do is wait for his next turn to come. But it never will.
A resounding noise breaks the silence as Uche’s hand slams the pile of cards..
“I don Knack am!”
(for you who don’t remember, once you tap the deck a card can’t be withdrawn). The following words seal Kene’s doomed fate:

“Suspenshunsuspenshungeneralmakethol-onlaskatchekup!” (“Suspension, suspension, general market , hold-on last card checkup!”.. for all of you who were confused by the actual pronunciation, which is way more fun to write out)

In a flash it ends. Kene, still bewildered, needs a few seconds to regain his motor functions before rummaging through Uche’s game winning play, with hopes of finding an error. But alas, there is none. The Igbo man has played a perfect hand. His job done, the Edo native rises from the table:

Uche Ekeledon gives himself a mental pat on the back for a job well done. He will have 5 buns tonight. Tomorrow will bring two extra pieces of fish to his table. The losers have the responsibility of traversing the heavily patrolled borders between the different houses (the most unfortunate will be the poor sod who has to deliver fish from connely to Regis. It’s a long trip and fish cannot be as easily concealed as biscuit, (by far the most portable/smugglable nightcap), two of which will be taken from the aforementioned sod if he fails to deliver the fish. If he brings a nice tail maybe Uche will let him off the hook for the half Wednesday bread he still owes from a previous deal… just maybe. After all, one could always make a deal with half Wednesday bread: half fried rice on Saturday sounds like a good exchange. God help any juniors who try to dupe him. After all, it was LJC: the local jail for children. You could run far and wide (Run to the sick bay if you must) but you cannot hide. With that reassurance, Uche begins to head towards the dining hall, but not before turning around to his fellow gamblers and cracking a cocky grin.
“Same time tomorrow guys?”
Amidst swears and jocular chants of “waka” “shege” “dan boroba” and “ya fada...” Uche steps out into the moonlight. It is a good night to gamble. Maybe he’d get one more game in before lights out. After all, seniors got extended time, he’d gotten a junior to do his ironing for one bunz (only because he was feeling generous), and NEPA was being good for once. With a chuckle, he walks on. Life had never been better for a jailed gambler.

Weightlifting for dummies

Okay, this is by general request from the masses. I don't intend to sound like a workout guru or nothing and most of what i do/did may not be accepted by all but hey, it was requested, and I will provide. Currently I am on the Crossfit regimen, but this is my old regimen and there may be a lot of things I have changed over the years. Also, a lot of this is written as if addressing an absolute gym illiterate, so dont be offended if it seems like i'm spelling it out. I do not intend to insult your intelligence. lol.
So here goes

get ready for this. I put some effort into writing it:

Aite, before you even touch a weight, here's the basics for Gaining MASS (god i love when they write that in magazines):
*eat small meals frequently (good, healthy stuff, 5-7 times a day)
* Lift like a mo'fo... keep the reps low (6-10) and heavy.. go heavy most of the time.
* Sleep like a log.. get 8 hrs+ whenever u can!
* Body part splits help out (chest with tris, Back with bis, legs, shoulders.. each on a different day)
*keep cardio to a minimum. this is where it gets tricky... if u like your endurance, you cant really get huge, because cardio breaks down muscle fast, esp. if u do it a lot for a long time. But if u get huuge, u lose speed and a bit of endurance (u can actually gain good sprint speed if you train right). Combining the two is difficult to say the least. Only dedicated individuals (the type that weighs their oats in the morning) can get both in... some dude I know is huge but can run like a friggin zebra! I hate him. lol.
Also, if you don't watch it, you could put on a lot of fat because due to lac of cardio... unless u have good genetics, say goodbye to your abs. lol. This is where eating good stuff is important: If you eat healthy stuff only, u can put on muscle without much fat (but in college, we all know that aint possible.) that's why cardio is still necessary, but not too much. All in all, you need cardio, but too much and u don?t get huge, and little/none will make u a tub of lard.. Jus for kicks lemme tell u that the average time before the body becomes catabolic (breaks down muscle) is 45 minutes. so you have to keep most of your workouts in the span of an hour to an hour and a half maximum... if u wanna put cardio in with your body part workout, well,that's anutha story. Unless u doing five minutes on the bike, you jus askin for trouble. I Told u it was a tad complex. lol. It helps to be Asian though. Most of them guys pretty much don't need cardio to have a low body fat%. They don't really need it unless they wanna keep endurance/got bad genes. Lucky bastards!

Having a protein shake can eliminate two or three meals in the day, so you don't need to waste money on food. (Have one once u wake up, especially the morning after a hard workout, one in the middle of the day, and one to wrap up the nite b4 u sleep.) I had the unlimited meal plan freshman year so I could eat like a pig. Lol.
Rest is important. Don't go gymin 7 days a week. Recovery is SUPER important. hence sleep and eating, which rebuild the muscles
There you have it? all u need for huuugeness in a nutshell:

You asked for the break down, so here's the real deal. Get ready for
some reading:
These are my old
body part splits, with two parts (like chest and tris) done on the same day. I didnt do more than three excersises per body part. (thats madness!) i just switched up the excersises i did every week.

Chest (usually done alongside triceps for me)

1. Bench press(flat): 4 sets (excluding warm-up set) of 12, 10, 8 and 6 reps respectively. Increase weight each set.
2. Incline Bench press: 3 or 4 sets (depends on you). Same format as flat bench: increase
weight, decrease reps
3. Decline bench press (some people don?t even bother with it, so this one is at your
discretion) same format as the other two.
4. Cable flyes: (tell me you know what this is!). 4 sets
5. Dumbbell flies can substitute for cable flies.

(in place of the normal barbell bench press, incline etc, u can use dumbbells instead. This allows you to incorporate more stabilizer muscles. Go with the normal stuff for about two weeks then try dumbbells. Believe me, doing 220 on the bench doesn't mean doing 110 per hand using dumbbells.. its a lot harder doing it independently)

Triceps
1. dips: (once again, tell me u know what this is)? (if you?re a heavy guy, you may not be able to do this with your body weight, but you should be fine): 4 sets. If you are too light, try weighted dips. Use the belt which allows you to strap weights on it, then dip with that. Use a heavier weight each set.
2. tricep extensions: 4 sets, same format (increase weight, reduce reps)
3. tricep pulldowns: 4 sets, same format
4. skull crushers (generally, these are tricep extensions on a bench,
with a barbell
instead of dumbbells, using 2 arms at once): 4 sets, same format.


Since I used to do Chest and triceps together, I do pushups for a warm up set. And you can use them to put a finishing touch on your workout? abs may accompany chest and triceps.

Back:
1. Lat pulldowns: 4 sets, same format. (up weight, down reps)
2. Seated rows: 4 sets, same format
3. DEADLIFTS (aite, u mite not wanna do deadlifts on this day. Not that they'll kill you,
as the name implies, but the lift works a lot of bodyparts, including lower back and
hamstrings and quads and forearms, so you?ll be hurtin after this one) no one really knows the best time to do deadlifts. Some do it on legs day, some on back day. In fact, some guys have a whole
workout day for deadlifts alone. Ask guys at ur gym when they do theirs. I personally limit this to 3 sets.
4. Incline rows (just rows at an angle on some machine. If u don?t have that machine, don?t bother). Same format
5. Pullups, hands at shoulder width. If your hands are too inwards, you end up working
your biceps more than your lats. This usually happens to me anyway, cuz I?m relatively
heavy. If u cant do pull-ups jus yet, stick with the other exercises and build up
strength then come back to pull-ups later.


Biceps
1. barbell curl (everyone knows this one). 4 sets, usual format
2. Dumbbell curls. 4 sets, same format.
3. Preacher curls. 4 sets same format
4. hammer curls. 4 sets, same format.
5. now, if you feel like an intermediate, try drop sets on the preacher bench (I'll
explain drop sets later).

FOREARMS.
These will probably be worked during ur biceps exercise, but u can work em anyway.
Reverse barbell curls do the trick. Forearm curls work well too.

LEGS
Oooh yea, everyone loves to hate legs day. I bet no one you know likes em. My old roomie
never wanted do em, till he saw the light. Any website will tell you that squats and deads are KING exercises.
1. Squats: jus do it! 4 sets, same format.
2. Leg press: 4 sets same format
3. Leg extensions: same ol thing (try drop sets if u have a death wish)
4. Calf extensions. I do 6 sets for this.. it?s the only thing I do
high reps for.

Shoulders/traps
1. Military press, barbell: 5 sets, 12 reps to 3
2. Side lateral raises. 4 sets, same format (12 reps, 10, 8, 6) (try front lateral raises for some variety)
3. seated dumbbell press 4 sets, same format
4. shrugs. 5 sets
5. upright rows. 4 sets, same format.

ABS
Yeah, everyone want to have abs.. hehe
For abs, I jus do about 15-20 reps for leg raisesn and 20 sit ups for multiple sets. Then
the drop sets on the ab-lounge looking machine we got in our gym. Neways, its basic stuff.
Hanging leg raises: 3 sets 15-20reps
Sit ups:2 or 3 sets, 15-20 situps
(use a weight and do crunches on an incline bench if u aint got an ab machine
with attached weights)
you can do abs wheneva u want... jus slot em in some workout. jus make
sure u put em in. i've had a case of "I'll put it in next time", but "next time" never comes. lol
Let me just say here that abs are a mainly a combination of genetics (for shape) and diet (for definition). if you start using the auto fill google bar and type in abs are made.. it will fill the rest out with "...in the kitchen", which is pretty much true. a low bf level increases definition. but remember, if you're going for size, you'll have a higher bf than someone who's cutting, so dont expect to have washboard abs like he does.

DROP SETS
I hold a strong belief that Drop sets, like math, were created by the
devil to screw me over. Like deadlifts, which leave u dead, when ur done with these, you
will drop. (Don't even try em for legs or you won?t be able to walk). They generally
involve putting on a heavy weight, then doing a couple of reps (12-15), then, you drop
someweight of the machine/adjustable barbell and do more reps. Keep dropping the weight and
doing reps until all the weight is off. For all the reps after the first, try going for
12 reps/till u can go no further. Believe me, you?ll have so much trouble lifting up the empty bar
when you?re done. You?d end up with like 60 reps in one set.. sweetness.


No matter what the lift, there are general rules to follow.
Do not cheat: Don?t use "body English" when working out. Make slow,
controlled movements with the weight. If you don't, you end up using other body parts,
and not working the targeted areas. Like those guys who swing their whole bodies to lift
a dumbbell/barbell during a curl.I bet u see em. They aint workin their biceps at all. They using momentum to shift the weight. Cheating, however, is not all bad. it can help you get that one extra rep when you need it. But It can also be dangerous. If ur bouncing a heavy weight off your chest and not controlling it, you run the risk of smashing ur ribs! Which leads me to number 2

2. Always have a spotter: preferably someone who goes to the gym with you, so u don?t feel awkward looking asking some random guy, or girl. A spotter should constantly watch u, especially when doing heavy weight, so u don?t kill yourself. I've seen some accidents bro.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRrX1cvT6ds


3. Alternate: after using a routine for a while (a month or more),
switch it up if you want to. Do different workouts on different days. If the old routine
works fine and you're seeing gains, leave it be. But if u seem to have reached a plateau, feel free to change things
up.

4. Eat right: now this is even harder than working out and harder still when in college. Eating right is an entire article on its own. maybe i'll put it up later.

5 . When you do these workouts, The amount of sets and reps, the order
in which you do em, is all up to you. The range is generally 3-4 sets of 12-3 reps per exercise for hypertrophy and strength.

Chest is usually done with tris, while back goes with bis. Some like to change it up. And
I like to put legs between back/bis day and shoulders so I?m not doing too much upper
body. Some guys will do all the workouts twice in a week. Hey, it works for some guys. But Do not underestimate days off. That's when muscles heal/grow. If u don?t take a day off every now and then, you overexert the muscle, and may injure it. However, What works for someone will not necessarily work for you, and vice versa. 4 sets with decreasing reps works aite for me, with 2 days off in a
week. so I'm cool. Experiment and find your style, and happy lifting.

If u got any questions. Jus ask. Besides, u got the internet on ur side, and your fellow gym peoples! Ur all set! 4get the grammatical errors. Boiz don't have time. I aint getting paid ya know (For all this typing I swear I should be making a buck or two) lol.
If u wanna know some sites, bodybuilding.com is sweet. T-nation.com is king. some facebook groups are good too.
Peace out!

Regards,
Pat Utomi II

Crossfit New England Throwdown!

On Saturday, the sixth of March, my friend Lee Jacobs and I ventured out to Natick Massachusetts for what would be one of the greatest Saturdays either of us would have: one which would leave both of us temporarily incapacitated, on the verge of death, and perhaps most importantly, aware of our place in the world of Crossfit. For the uninformed, Crossfit is (a la Wikipedia) “a strength and conditioning fitness methodology. Its stated goal is to create "the quintessential athlete, equal parts gymnast, Olympic weightlifter and sprinter.” It is also my latest physical fitness challenge: because lifting weights and occasional cardio just wasn’t leaving me as dog-tired or making my life flash before my eyes as often as I would like it to. I was in search of something relatively new. After all, it’s common knowledge that “switching it up” every once in a while is good for the body.

My friend Raj Patel used this opportunity to lure me into the world of Crossfit. (Oh, did I say lure? That may be a bit misleading. I meant DECEIVE! I was CONNED, HOODWINKED I TELL YOU! IT WAS ALL ONE BIG TRAP!). After a couple of weeks of trying the scheduled WODs (workout of the day), I gradually came to hate it less each day and stuck with it (Hence the Deceit from Raj. He knows that as long as its physical activity I’ll do it, even if it kills me every time I do. He also calls me just to “check up on me” and see if I’m “still doing crossfit”. It’s like he’s guilt tripping me into it, though I’m not sure if he’s doing this consciously or not.) Point of the matter is that I eventually got to meet Mr. Lee Jacobs, who is also an avid fan of crossfit and after a couple of workouts together, we get to bond as fellow crossfit lovers/haters.

One day, Mr. Jacobs tells me (via facebook) about an upcoming Crossfit New England Throwdown, and asks if I’d be interested in going. It would last from 12 noon to 6 pm and be composed of three WODs. Considering my love for athletes and physical activity, I was going to go no matter what. The key question was whether I’d compete or not. I’d only been on the crossfit program for a few weeks, and was mixing in my old lifting routine every now and then. I wasn’t really sure if I could take on three WODs in one day (Considering my first WOD experience lasted only eight minutes and left me laying on the gym floor for at least half an hour while people walked by and looked at me as if I they hadn’t seen a dead tired negro on the floor before). I decided to suck it up and compete. After all, the worst that could happen is that I’d get my ass handed to me by a chick. I went to bed on Friday night fully unaware that the worst would happen quite a few times.

As morning broke on the fateful Saturday, I proceeded to make myself a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, with a protein shake on the side. I didn’t want to eat too much, as I wanted to be as light as possible for the trials ahead. In retrospect, I should have had a bigger meal: A MUCH bigger meal. After the meal, I proceeded to assess my arsenal: Protein powder, check. Fruits and nuts, check. Change of clothes, check. Gatorade, check. Armed with the necessary nutritional sustenance that would facilitate my survival for the day (or so I thought), I ventured out of my dormitory in high spirits, ready to take on the world; the world of Crossfit.

Lee was kind enough to rent a zipcar and drive up to my residence, so soon after stepping out of the student village I was on my way to Natick Massachusetts. Excluding the stop for gas and getting lost after being misled by multiple streets named “Oak Street”, the journey was a relatively short one. But it was going to be a long day for me and Lee. We arrived at Crossfit New England with time to spare and proceeded to register for the days events. The turnout is great, with about eighty athletes showing up (more people to totally own me). There were three WODs (workouts of the day, if you forgot) we were to partake in, and individuals could take part in groups with varying levels of intensity. The first group was the pups, with the easiest workouts, followed by the pack and then the “Big dawgs”, who had the highest intensity level. Lee and I signed into the big dawg class. “Bad move buddy”, a voice in my head goes. I ignore said voice (Bad move number two).

Before Each WOD, each crossfitter partners themselves up with a coach. I partner myself with a lovely lady named Cynthia, or Cindy as she is more affectionately called. Why does this name have a malicious ring to it? Oh that’s right, because one of the crossfit workouts is named Cindy. 22 rounds I believe… (Crossfit reference, don’t worry if you don’t get it). Cindy is from crossfit cynergy, and her group is made up of great people through and through, including her hubbie Keith. The pack and pups get started, and before I know what’s happening, Cindy’s all up and done with her WOD, and Lee and I are up for our turn with the big dawgs.

all smiles because we are yet to know the true meaning of pain!

The first WOD is a 400m run down and uphill followed by 20 burpees for 4 rounds. A burpee is pretty much dropping to a pushup position then getting up then hopping slightly. Sounds easy, but do that 20 times after a 400 meter run. Four times. That’ll learn ya. I’m doing this WOD with lee, and several other “Big Dawg” crossfitters, including about four females. I don’t even lie to myself by saying “maybe I’ll keep up with the girls”. I know I’m getting owned here. The question is “how many meters behind am I going to be?”

By the fourth round, I’m dying, and my legs refuse to obey my commands. My burpees look like I’m a kid learning how to walk. Time runs out just as I finish the last run. That’s fine, because I would have literally keeled over if I had to do any more burpees. Lee doesn’t finish either, though he’s a bit ahead of me. I guess the fifteen minute time cap on each WOD leaves you a bit frustrated, but prevents you from completely draining yourself. That way you have a bit more time to get ready for the next WOD. I finish my run with a grin and tell my coach that it was fun. He tells me I’m crazy. I don’t blame him. Not many people in their right minds would find that workout enjoyable.

The second WOD is 21 deadlifts and 7 thrusters for five rounds. Not good. My back is still recovering from a chronic pain disorder (which I most likely brought upon myself by having poor deadlifting form). Not to mention that deadlifting is the bane of existence for taller people. But hell, I did the WOD anyway. After just two pulls, my coach already notices that I’m quad dominant and don’t pull from my hips as I’m meant to. He advises me not to rush the WOD but to get my form right so I don’t hurt myself. I comply. By round four, yet again, I feel like I’m going to die. But it’s not the cardio that’s killing me. It’s my back. Even though I try to keep the right form, it’s not easy, seeing as I’ve been doing it a certain way for quite some time. Even the thrusters, which are usually easy for me, become aquite the excruciating experience. I also drop the bar right against my right shin. Just a graze; slightly annoying, but it is heavily outweighed by the fact that we dont get to drop barbells in the school gym (just buy bumper plates dammit! why is BU so cheap?)

(there’s lee dying. Haha)

I manage to finish four rounds when time is called. Crossfit cynergy members cheered me on, and that was a very refreshing experience. the atmosphere in the place is amazing: competitive yet friendly. perfect conditions for an athlete to thrive. not that I was particularly thriving at that moment. But thats besides the point. One more WOD and it’s all over. (Note to self: thrusters are evil. Never do them… ever)


The last WOD is a Push press/jerk for seven reps followed by twenty pull-ups for five rounds. Lee and I swear we’ll finish this one even if it kills us. Lee goes first and finishes in about eleven and a half. I step up after he’s done and have a go at it. The weight is just 135 lbs. I usually throw this up as a warm-up, but at this point in the day, it feels as heavy as anything I’ve ever held. It’s a painful five rounds but I too, finish at about the same time as Lee. As I stumble away from the blood drenched pull-up bars, someone shoves a beer into my hand. I thank him kindly and proceed to (nearly) pass out on a nearby spot on the floor. To my surprise, Lee and I actually finish ahead of some people in this WOD. I guess we retained some of our dignity. The next group of big dawgs steps up and FLIES through the WOD like there’s no tomorrow, with most guys finishing in about seven minutes. Ridiculous!

(Death by pullups)

(more death by pullups)

With the WODs all done, the crossfitters proceeded to have a little shindig right there in the gym. Lee and I stayed for a while to indulge in some healthy turkey wraps provided by the various crossfit teams before packing up and heading back to BU. I felt sorry for Lee, who had to drive. I could feel the pain his legs were in. We got back home, grilled some stake at Lees place, and then I went straight to bed, knowing that I wouldn’t be working out for at least the next four days. That pretty much concludes my day of workout hell which may or may not be one of the best Saturdays I have ever had. Save for the blood and sweat and tears (literally) it was an amazing day I wouldn’t mind reliving sometime soon.

(“Yup, there’s the insane “I’m DONE!” face)

(beer and protein. Best combo ever)

(Crossfit. Unfuckwithable)

(That’s sue, Cindy’s kid. 12 yrs old. Amazing!)

(yeah Holly!!)

(Go Rich!!!)

(me and sue size up battle scars)

(just one of several pull-up casualties)

(Theres Cynthia ripping it up)